bless me, father, for I have seen.

for the first time, I wished he didn't exist. wished he wasn't. wished him away instead of near. farther even than this wide raging sea, this past, this rhymeless ignorance of thinrteen hundred miles. for the first time, he needn't be, nay, he shouldn't come any closer, he shouldn't want any words, he shouldn't track down the bears for me. like this back pain, he shouldn't be. un-loves never bothered me, it was always the real ones that gripped up my spine and it hurt so much i couldn't breathe. you haven't hurt this much, you haven't been through me as an arrow, you haven't cut me open and served my liver to the thieves, ever. and it never bothered me to want to remmember you and embrace the thoughts of you, and have you as an old un-longing, as a simple un-love that never showed up on shore, and it was always okay to write letters. but today, not for more feeling but for less, i need not the place i've been before, i need not the role of recipient, nor the writer with my quilt, i want not the bond of ages, nor the unsure delicate friendship. for the first time in years, i wished you had never been.

mark those notes return to sender,
 I'm not there.

she picked sea shells by the sea shore

Ballerina she's a baby you know
Ballerina's a little girl
With her big ol clown feet, and her sister-less glow
Ballerina's a child you know.

She wanna see the world, she said
You can stay today, dear, you can stay in bed

Ballerina can't really dance
night night ballerina, I can't stand this chance

Ol mama said ya should stand on your feet,
she said mama please, she's on bended knees
mama hold up the phone
hold it closer so close
Time is long, land is wide,
And I can't hear your voice
over by the road side

Ballerina, I can't dance

hold up the candle, dear, for the sake of romance

She wanna be sweet sixteen,
Ballerina, my dear
Down the mountain it seems
she knows not about grey
ballerina, I can't stay.
wanna be thirteen and under

ballerina hush now,
 it's only thunder

Home home again
gruesome home, daddy, it's all the same
oh little girl blue
who knows, you do

ballerina, look at the picture
she can't dance you know
said she'd like to write fiction
what was it on her mind,
this baby in bangs
 my little white crime

ballerina nobody
could tell time from age
but that lovely smile you put up with rage
it don't fool me, dear,
It's way too near
for the picture to change.

sob away, spin the top
drive away,
never stop
blame it on the rest of them.


ballerina how old
how much of this gold
how many of my men
how far across land
will it take for you to know
to finaly understand

mama, please respect my tears
there's no boat I could unsteer
and all the decks of cards in the world
couldn't buy the castles that have never grown

I'm sorry mama, I can't see
Can't dance or sing, jugle giggle or be
whatever it is in me that fights its own fists
what struggles in high notes and no it don't fit.
Whatever distracts the big melody
whatever sleeps under the reasoning tree.

I can't mama, sorry,
Ballerina little girl, mama
Ballerina can't dance,
please mama, be patient, one day she will flee
keep holdin your hands up, for the sake of romance.

Can I tell you a secret?
ballerina, I miss it.
can I tell you a story,
ballerina, I'm sorry.
End the nursery rhyme,
ballerina, it's time.